a week and a bit to go....

allegedly anyway!

Things are ok, head been bad some days, and good others. Have done quite a lot in the last few weeks, regardless.

Cirrus has had his full clip and looks smart but holey where he has sores from a bad attack of Sweet itch. Poor man. He's also worrying me with several patches of white line sepparation on his feet which could be a source for an abcsess. He's not been quite sound in front for a week. Beautiful timing of course.

Been going to church which has been interesting. Not sure on the religious stuff, but really enjoy the sense of community, and everyone is so welcoming and sweet. I don't like the Holy Communion thing though, apart from the fact I can't drink the wine, the whole idea is slightly distasteful to me. The idea of sharing a meal with people is nice however, so am ambiguious.

Am nervous. Am nervous that it won't go ahead. Am nervous about the fMRI. Am nervous about the operation. Am nervous about how much things could change in the next 2 weeks. Despite all, I'd rather not die! I wish I could really get on board with the hope, but I'm way to scared to get on that train again - I've been thrown off it so many times by now.

Niki x