circling the drain....

STILL no date......

Went to the GP today, saw a crappy locum. Since I started the cyclizine and ondancetron (anti-emetics) I've had ulcers in my nose, and then about a month ago I started getting painful spots in my nose that took ages to heal. When the two last ones healed, and I started getting another one straight away I was persuaded to go to the GP to get cream and a swab to check for a staph infection - don't really want that when you are about to get brain surgery!

Locum was a pain, saying they'd do that in the hospital if they were worried, but I can't risk them sending me home! So he capitulated, after he talked me down from the ceiling. Suprised myself at how hysterical I came very quickly!

Cirrus has rubbed his legs, face and shoulder raw, not happy at all poor boy. I've clipped the places out and potioned them. I hope they recover really quickly.

Went to church on Sunday again - I asked a neighbour for a lift. It was lovely service, a harvest one. It's about the only place I feel peaceful and less in pain, in church, which is one massive shock for me! I was given the definate message several months ago that I had to start going to church, which is strange for a non-believer, but I don't tend to argue for too long with such a dictate from my guides!

Am going out on Sunday evening with some friends - a rare and fun thing to do!

Niki x

teetering on the brink...

STILL no date!! Its driving me slowly mad, the not knowing. Hey ho.

Otherwise things are ok - my sister went off to Uni which is great for her, but I miss her! My brother is on a business trip in the US.

My life is revolving around the date for the op - the closer any surgery gets for me, the more introspective and insular I get - I guess its just a reaction to the fear, the pain and the concept of your mortality. I even went to church this week!

Niki x

Bad 48hours

Have had an awful 48 hours - usually bad do's don't last that long,but I'm struggling to throw this one off. The morphine and fent combo did bring it down to an 8, but if I'd known it was going to last that long I may have been better off looking at a hospital visit...

The news from the hospital is still that they are trying to get me in in the last week in September, or first week in October - notice we are creeping Christmas-ward. They know I'm having a rough time though and I am a priority case.

Not that the operation is necessarily going to address the pain straight away - I could end up in a worse place for a while, but I'm trying not to think about that.

So not a lot has been happening, not been riding, last time I brought the horses in they ran off with a herd of sheep!! It was a bit of a nightmare, but I discovered my priorities as I saw my mum disappear under a boucing shetland pony followed by a herd of bouncing sheep! Thankfully she was ok, though scrapped up, and I was able to belt off after the horses, whose appearance shocked the farmer, but he did stop them going further along the lane. All well in the end.

Niki x