STILL no date!! Its driving me slowly mad, the not knowing. Hey ho.
Otherwise things are ok - my sister went off to Uni which is great for her, but I miss her! My brother is on a business trip in the US.
My life is revolving around the date for the op - the closer any surgery gets for me, the more introspective and insular I get - I guess its just a reaction to the fear, the pain and the concept of your mortality. I even went to church this week!
Niki x
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Bad 48hours
Have had an awful 48 hours - usually bad do's don't last that long,but I'm struggling to throw this one off. The morphine and fent combo did bring it down to an 8, but if I'd known it was going to last that long I may have been better off looking at a hospital visit...
The news from the hospital is still that they are trying to get me in in the last week in September, or first week in October - notice we are creeping Christmas-ward. They know I'm having a rough time though and I am a priority case.
Not that the operation is necessarily going to address the pain straight away - I could end up in a worse place for a while, but I'm trying not to think about that.
So not a lot has been happening, not been riding, last time I brought the horses in they ran off with a herd of sheep!! It was a bit of a nightmare, but I discovered my priorities as I saw my mum disappear under a boucing shetland pony followed by a herd of bouncing sheep! Thankfully she was ok, though scrapped up, and I was able to belt off after the horses, whose appearance shocked the farmer, but he did stop them going further along the lane. All well in the end.
Niki x
The news from the hospital is still that they are trying to get me in in the last week in September, or first week in October - notice we are creeping Christmas-ward. They know I'm having a rough time though and I am a priority case.
Not that the operation is necessarily going to address the pain straight away - I could end up in a worse place for a while, but I'm trying not to think about that.
So not a lot has been happening, not been riding, last time I brought the horses in they ran off with a herd of sheep!! It was a bit of a nightmare, but I discovered my priorities as I saw my mum disappear under a boucing shetland pony followed by a herd of bouncing sheep! Thankfully she was ok, though scrapped up, and I was able to belt off after the horses, whose appearance shocked the farmer, but he did stop them going further along the lane. All well in the end.
Niki x
Saturday, 29 August 2009
No news is good news?
Have no further movement on the op front - hey ho.
Have had a pretty poor week, and am finding increasingly that the addition of morphine to my regime is very detrimental to my memory, concentration and composure! I get very confused very easily, especially if a few things are going on at the same time. I forget things and things I have been told (allegedly!). But it does seem to help the pain, so there we go.
Cirrus did have an abscess by the way!
Alfie is fabulous. Ellie is cool, and Murphy is great! We are taking them to another dog show tomorrow so hopefully they will be on form.
In some ways its hard to have a blog, as every day is so mind numbingly the same, tedious and painful its hard to document it. I'm struggling to be upbeat and not to get into a depression though I'm pretty darn good at not thinking about negative things! At least I have a structure to the day so I don't stay in bed. I'm really existing in a limbo until the operation. I know it may not work, or may take a long time to find the right stimulation parameters to work, but I have to be hopeful. However every other procedure has been a failure eventually and I have coped, and the drugs have always been pretty useless as well, so the last 7 years have taught me how to deal with disapointment I guess. But I still have hope, and while I have that, I will fight.
Anyway, just found a film about MSC on line - here:
http://www.medicalvideos.us/videos-941-Motor-cortex-stimulation-for-Chronic-pain
Niki x
Have had a pretty poor week, and am finding increasingly that the addition of morphine to my regime is very detrimental to my memory, concentration and composure! I get very confused very easily, especially if a few things are going on at the same time. I forget things and things I have been told (allegedly!). But it does seem to help the pain, so there we go.
Cirrus did have an abscess by the way!
Alfie is fabulous. Ellie is cool, and Murphy is great! We are taking them to another dog show tomorrow so hopefully they will be on form.
In some ways its hard to have a blog, as every day is so mind numbingly the same, tedious and painful its hard to document it. I'm struggling to be upbeat and not to get into a depression though I'm pretty darn good at not thinking about negative things! At least I have a structure to the day so I don't stay in bed. I'm really existing in a limbo until the operation. I know it may not work, or may take a long time to find the right stimulation parameters to work, but I have to be hopeful. However every other procedure has been a failure eventually and I have coped, and the drugs have always been pretty useless as well, so the last 7 years have taught me how to deal with disapointment I guess. But I still have hope, and while I have that, I will fight.
Anyway, just found a film about MSC on line - here:
http://www.medicalvideos.us/videos-941-Motor-cortex-stimulation-for-Chronic-pain
Niki x
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Nearer a surgery date..
Well apparently I'm in the place on the list which should be done before end of August, BUT, they are running a month behind - which means I *should* be done before end of September.
So movement of a kind. Oh and the notice could be a day! Like, come in tomorrow. Yikes.
Bit spooked about it today to be honest - mainly the MRI again! The tests will all be done in the hospital the day before the op, so no trekking up and down to and back from Cardiff.
Morphine and fentanyl combo is ok, better than singley. Pain is not great, at a level where its hard to do more than the basics, plus the drugs make me somewhat apathetic. Added to that Cirrus had a mystery lameness recently so he's not been right to ride. I AM bringing them in tomorrow to trot him up on a hard surface and check, plus trim his feet. And dectomax him. And cuddle him.
Got a Seth Lakeman gig on Friday, and even better, my friend Helen (Helen from Evesham not Windsor) is coming as well! Very much looking forward to seeing her again.
Alfie is doing really well - he's huuuuuuge now - and very clever. I've mislaid the lead that connects my phone to the PC, actually, make that not sure where the lead is and can't be bothered to look as yet.... so no pictures as yet.
Ben took some fantastic pictures of Cirrus - looking very good for once, other than his sore face - but one is particularly good - here it is!
Niki x
So movement of a kind. Oh and the notice could be a day! Like, come in tomorrow. Yikes.
Bit spooked about it today to be honest - mainly the MRI again! The tests will all be done in the hospital the day before the op, so no trekking up and down to and back from Cardiff.
Morphine and fentanyl combo is ok, better than singley. Pain is not great, at a level where its hard to do more than the basics, plus the drugs make me somewhat apathetic. Added to that Cirrus had a mystery lameness recently so he's not been right to ride. I AM bringing them in tomorrow to trot him up on a hard surface and check, plus trim his feet. And dectomax him. And cuddle him.
Got a Seth Lakeman gig on Friday, and even better, my friend Helen (Helen from Evesham not Windsor) is coming as well! Very much looking forward to seeing her again.
Alfie is doing really well - he's huuuuuuge now - and very clever. I've mislaid the lead that connects my phone to the PC, actually, make that not sure where the lead is and can't be bothered to look as yet.... so no pictures as yet.
Ben took some fantastic pictures of Cirrus - looking very good for once, other than his sore face - but one is particularly good - here it is!
Niki x
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
Morphine not so hot
Well its not going to make a dent in the bad pain. Which is pants. On Sunday I had a bad day - not a really bad day, more a 7. I took several doses of 10mls of oramorph and then had a couple of fentanyl lollipops. The anti-emetics worked. The pain wasn't decreased much at all. No really bad side effects, just sleepy and stoned a bit.
Antonia (one of my oldest and bestest friends) came over with her dad and her son Morgan - so that was lovely - I don't see her as much as I would like as she lives in North Wales. She's special people to me. Anyhow I was able to cope through her visit, and showed her Doughnuts tricks and Cirrus' practical CT applications. Then I slept through most of the rest of the day.
So this shows me that on a really bad do, the fent/oramorph combo is NOT going to work. This still leaves me with the transport issue.
Otherwise things are ok. Alfie is growing apace, and is so smart. He's totally lovely. Murphy is a little more accepting of him, and Ellie really likes him now, unless he steals her bone. He is happy to share it with her, but she's not that happy with it!
Horses are fab, and I'm doing a great new cross stitch. Buying them from someone on ebay who must think I'm a total freak for buying so many!! Thank the gods that they are cheap.
Niki x
Antonia (one of my oldest and bestest friends) came over with her dad and her son Morgan - so that was lovely - I don't see her as much as I would like as she lives in North Wales. She's special people to me. Anyhow I was able to cope through her visit, and showed her Doughnuts tricks and Cirrus' practical CT applications. Then I slept through most of the rest of the day.
So this shows me that on a really bad do, the fent/oramorph combo is NOT going to work. This still leaves me with the transport issue.
Otherwise things are ok. Alfie is growing apace, and is so smart. He's totally lovely. Murphy is a little more accepting of him, and Ellie really likes him now, unless he steals her bone. He is happy to share it with her, but she's not that happy with it!
Horses are fab, and I'm doing a great new cross stitch. Buying them from someone on ebay who must think I'm a total freak for buying so many!! Thank the gods that they are cheap.
Niki x
Saturday, 11 July 2009
Morphine....
doesn't seem to be any better than fentanyl - though I have taken a smaller dose. Just thought I'd try it and see. It is making me a bit more stoned though.
Alfie went for his first walk today - and discoved sheep poo! oh joy (for him...). He fell asleep on Ellie today which was very sweet - I did take pics, will put them up soon.
Actually, I had the last dose of morphine at 8.40 and right now at 9.15 I'm not in much pain at all - maybe it does work!
Niki xxx
Alfie went for his first walk today - and discoved sheep poo! oh joy (for him...). He fell asleep on Ellie today which was very sweet - I did take pics, will put them up soon.
Actually, I had the last dose of morphine at 8.40 and right now at 9.15 I'm not in much pain at all - maybe it does work!
Niki xxx
Friday, 10 July 2009
Got the drugs....
The GP came up trumps and RX'd me the oramorph and a shed load of anti-emetics to allow me to take the oramorph or more lollipops - without them two is my max. Some confusion as to whether the oramorph is for the big do's or if its for the worse day to day pain. I thought it was the latter and the ketamine etc was for the baddies. Still I guess I'll figure it out.
Alfie is ace! He's learning at the speed of light - he's SO clever. He's beautiful as well.
Doughnut had got "bow" down pat - he's doing it all on his own on command now. I'm so proud of him! Cirrus is as wonderful as ever, and is doing fabulously with his sweet itch - the cavelesse cream/gel is miraculous and its a darn shame that it only comes with the feed supplement, so you are let with this weeny tube! Some stupid licencing issue.
Am working hard on a cross stitch at the moment - for a friend's birthday pressie. Its challenging and fun!
Niki x
Alfie is ace! He's learning at the speed of light - he's SO clever. He's beautiful as well.
Doughnut had got "bow" down pat - he's doing it all on his own on command now. I'm so proud of him! Cirrus is as wonderful as ever, and is doing fabulously with his sweet itch - the cavelesse cream/gel is miraculous and its a darn shame that it only comes with the feed supplement, so you are let with this weeny tube! Some stupid licencing issue.
Am working hard on a cross stitch at the moment - for a friend's birthday pressie. Its challenging and fun!
Niki x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
