a week and a bit to go....

allegedly anyway!

Things are ok, head been bad some days, and good others. Have done quite a lot in the last few weeks, regardless.

Cirrus has had his full clip and looks smart but holey where he has sores from a bad attack of Sweet itch. Poor man. He's also worrying me with several patches of white line sepparation on his feet which could be a source for an abcsess. He's not been quite sound in front for a week. Beautiful timing of course.

Been going to church which has been interesting. Not sure on the religious stuff, but really enjoy the sense of community, and everyone is so welcoming and sweet. I don't like the Holy Communion thing though, apart from the fact I can't drink the wine, the whole idea is slightly distasteful to me. The idea of sharing a meal with people is nice however, so am ambiguious.

Am nervous. Am nervous that it won't go ahead. Am nervous about the fMRI. Am nervous about the operation. Am nervous about how much things could change in the next 2 weeks. Despite all, I'd rather not die! I wish I could really get on board with the hope, but I'm way to scared to get on that train again - I've been thrown off it so many times by now.

Niki x

A date!!

FINALLY got a date for the MCS operation - 10th November.

Its later than we thought, but the surgeon wants the right team, and to be around afterwards as it is such a rare operation. But it's brilliant having a date to focus on and to stop feeling like a crazy person never knowing if today is the day!

Today I treated a horse in the next village - he has muscular stiffness so Bowen is brilliant for him - although he is a cob and black, he reminded me a lot of Fizz, so that was happysad. I've lent the owner my libra trek saddle, as I think his own saddle is causing problems with his back. Its great treating this horse as I get my aromatherapy massages in return!!

Head has been rotten today - but the wind always jazzes it up.

Ben came back from the US with lots of chocolate - so I've discovered peanutbutter cups - OMG they are lovely, though even I can only eat 2 at a time!

So I feel as if I have a spare month now - a clear birthday, and can get Cirrus clipped a bit later - and even ride him a bit!!

Niki x

Bad 48hours

Have had an awful 48 hours - usually bad do's don't last that long,but I'm struggling to throw this one off. The morphine and fent combo did bring it down to an 8, but if I'd known it was going to last that long I may have been better off looking at a hospital visit...

The news from the hospital is still that they are trying to get me in in the last week in September, or first week in October - notice we are creeping Christmas-ward. They know I'm having a rough time though and I am a priority case.

Not that the operation is necessarily going to address the pain straight away - I could end up in a worse place for a while, but I'm trying not to think about that.

So not a lot has been happening, not been riding, last time I brought the horses in they ran off with a herd of sheep!! It was a bit of a nightmare, but I discovered my priorities as I saw my mum disappear under a boucing shetland pony followed by a herd of bouncing sheep! Thankfully she was ok, though scrapped up, and I was able to belt off after the horses, whose appearance shocked the farmer, but he did stop them going further along the lane. All well in the end.

Niki x